Thursday Thoughts: I’m currently planning an escape from the life that I thought I always wanted..... Don’t worry I’m not going to do anything crazy. ⠀

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However, I want to come clean about something.... sometimes.... I want to give up on some of my ambitions. Not because I don’t believe I can’t do them, no I’m to stubborn to quit for a reason like that. Not because I believe they are worthless. Nope. Sometimes, I just contemplate about what degree of happiness some of my ambitions will really bring me. I am thankful that I learned, years ago, that happiness and success can’t be measured in the number of things and number of degrees I have. That lesson has kept my life minimally complicated and free of a lot of drama that many people my age go through.  I pursue things like my Masters, having a website, and a blog because those things  make me feel good. They make me feel like I’m giving back, like I’m contributing something good to the world. ⠀

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However, there are also times when I remember a dream I once had of being done with school after my BSN and traveling the world, living out of a carry on. Helping people, both physically with my skills as a nurse and spiritually with my work as JW. Living in a small bungalow on an island somewhere, where my needs are few and my days are spent exploring what the world has to offer and helping people feel and be better. ⠀

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Don’t get me wrong, or think me ungrateful for the life I have now. I am very much happy and fulfilled. This feeling I sometimes get isn’t regret nor is it the musings of a frustrated grad student. This feeling is more of a curiosity. It isn’t the proverbial mid-20’s life crisis (yes that’s a thing). There are sometimes when I wonder if I could have done even more, with less, if that makes sense. I sometimes wonder if I let this picture of what I thought my life should look like choke out the other life I had planned. The one that was much more simple. I live a fairly uncomplicated life as it is, albeit a busy one. I am always looking to continually simplify my life and my way of living,  so as not to be weighed down by the things of this world. So that I can be that free spirit I have always been at heart, even more so than I am now. ⠀

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Don’t feel sorry for me. These contemplations I have don’t come from a place where I feel trapped. You see, what’s so deliciously dangerous about being a free spirit, Is that I still realize that I have a choice. I am never far from taking the Infamous leap and “throwing it all away”, if it means I get the life I want. I say all of this to say, that it’s ok to listen to that voice at the back of your head sometimes. Sometimes that voice is there to help you stop, reason, and reevaluate. It’s your mind telling you it’s time to do a life check-in with yourself. That voice reminds you not to get caught up in what other envisioned for you or even in what you have envisioned for myself. ⠀

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Because I believe in finishing what I start, I am committed to completely some of these goals I’ve started pursuing. However, I’m starting to rethink the things that I always thought I wanted. I may very well set myself free from my sometimes friend, sometimes slaver, the blessing and the curse of ambition. I’ve been a wildcard my whole life, never sticking to the most direct path or the path that others thought I would/should take. I am interested to see what I will pull out of the bag next..⠀

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Patrick